Do you sometimes remember that age-old adage saying: you are your own worst enemy. Oftentimes it’s the subtle negative self-talk (“What if I can’t…” “I am so stupid!” “I’ll never be able to…”) that clutters our minds and prevents us from seeing who we really are – and what we can truly accomplish.

Slippery slope
You know the story – it starts with one negative thought in a moment of weakness, and next thing you know, you’re fretting about what might happen 20 years down the road! Well, here’s a newsflash – even though you think you are master of your destiny and have control, there are too many variables out there. So why worry about what could happen? Focus on the now!

A really helpful book for these sorts of issues was written by a psychologist named Edmund J. Bourne. According to his seminal work, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, when it comes to negative thoughts, there tend to be four personality trends – the worrier, the critic, the victim and the perfectionist.

How to win

Think about situations that plague you – gas prices are hurting your wallet, your relationship is rocky, your job isn’t your favorite place to be – and analyze your thought patterns. If you’re a worrier, you’ll want to concentrate on leaving your “what ifs” at the door. It’s good to be prepared for a worst-case scenario, but apart from that, your excessive hypotheticals don’t help anyone. If you’re overly self-critical (critic) – sure, you may have made bad decisions in your life, but there is no reason to tell yourself you suck. Try something more positive – it will lift your mood. For the “why me” people (victim), think about how much you accomplish when you feel hopeless, and then think about how easy it is to rise to an occasion when you have a positive outlook. Perfectionists – you’re not perfect. Your self-worth is not dependent on getting that “A.”

Counterstrike! 
Now that you’ve done some analyzing, write out your most worrisome issues, and include details on what bothers you most. Next, write out alternative arguments.

Situation: “What if my career and relationship go into a tailspin, and I can’t do anything about it?”

Counter-argument: “I can breathe and take care of things one step at a time. Just because one thing looks difficult right now does not mean that all of my happiness will be in jeopardy.”

Affirmations
Writing things out and recognizing patterns are the first steps toward recovery. Affirmations will help calm you, and keep you moving toward a positive future. Some general ones you might want to try include:

I can learn to cope with this, and with any difficulty life will bring.

I will not feed worry – I choose peace over fear.

I am a person of integrity and purpose.

I am lovable and capable.

My feelings and needs are important.

I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

And remember – to read more about eliminating those negative thoughts, check out The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook.

17 COMMENTS

  1. The strategy of contrasting worries with counter-arguments appears practical. Writing things down can indeed mitigate the intensity of negative thoughts.

  2. I like the holistic approach the article takes towards handling negative self-talk. It seems comprehensive and well-thought-out.

  3. It is intriguing how the article breaks down negative thinking into specific categories. This approach might help individuals identify their own tendencies more easily.

  4. The advice of not letting perfectionism dictate self-worth is crucial. Realizing that making mistakes is part of the human experience can be liberating.

  5. Edmund J. Bourne’s categories of negative thought patterns are illuminating. They offer a structured way to understand and address different types of anxiety.

  6. Acknowledging the presence of different negative thought patterns within oneself could be the first step toward managing them effectively. The article puts forth a clear method.

  7. I’m curious to know more about the techniques recommended in ‘The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook.’ Has anyone read it and found it helpful?

  8. Creating affirmations to combat negative self-talk is an interesting suggestion. It seems like a constructive way to reframe one’s thoughts.

  9. This article offers some practical advice on how to manage negative self-talk. I appreciate the inclusion of useful affirmations.

  10. The suggestion to focus on the present rather than hypothetical future scenarios is a valuable reminder. It aligns well with mindfulness practices.

  11. The article provides a concise technique for distinguishing and counteracting negative thoughts. Rewriting thoughts into positive affirmations seems like a practical approach.

  12. The breakdown of different types of negative thinkers is interesting. Understanding these categories can help tailor specific strategies for each person.

  13. Edmund J. Bourne’s work seems valuable for those struggling with anxiety. The differentiation between personality trends is insightful.

  14. The suggestion to write out worries and counter-arguments is practical. It seems like a good strategy for organizing thoughts and reducing anxiety.

    • I’m not sure how effective writing things out would be for everyone. It might depend on the individual’s personal approach to their issues.

  15. Focusing on the present rather than worrying about the future is sound advice. The article provides clear steps for countering negative thoughts.

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