Our happiness in life doesn’t depend entirely on having a close relationship, but it is definitely enhanced by having bonds that are both healthy and close. If it seems as though yours aren’t working as well as you’d like them to, it’s possible that with some minor adjustments you can get things back on track.
It is natural to want to be in a relationship. Relationships need attention and care, much like a car needs gas, a tune-up and an oil change every 3,000 miles. On your journey of love, prevent the three most treacherous and common relationship pitfalls.
Money, insecurity and fear of change are three demons that can spell doom for a relationship. We will examine each hot spot and create a set of affirmations that will keep your relationship humming.
Pitfall One: Money
Money is not the greatest hazard to your relationship that everyone believes it to be. Money just makes the easiest argument, guaranteed to put everyone at odds. Money casts a weird spell in very unpredictable ways. The people who have much money tend to be very worried about losing it. To those with little, money is a constant concern, pain and need. Money drives some people mad. It urges others to steal and kill. Some don’t have a care or worry about it. But to many, money becomes a sensitive hot button issue.
Money is a scapegoat, an excuse catch-all for many other issues and problems. Your soulmate may scream, “How much did you spend on those damn curtains?!,” but what he would rather honestly admit is, “Honey, I feel like you’ve been pushing me away and I am lonely.”
Money is always the easiest excuse. Everyone uses it. Someone is either spending too much or too little. Money is the easiest way to start an argument. When your boss yells at you for someone else’s mistake, you can work the hurt feelings out in the gym or you can go home and pick a fight with your mate. “Do you really need that Porsche?” If you are angry that he has left the sink full of dirty dishes, push some buttons and remind him that he is not bringing home enough bacon. Money causes mayhem. It is the easiest way to insult and anger the one you love. Our society places a great deal of importance and imagined power on money. Your wealth is your stature. In a relationship, money can easily corrupt your pure love.
If we strip it naked, money is merely a unit of measure, an accounting tool. Money is a means of trade and exchange. Money holds no value in the strength of your relationship. Money can never be a symbol of your romantic achievements. Your partnership is the focus of your greatest success. The health, direction and progress of your partnership are where your greatest riches lie.
When the fires of a money argument start to smolder, step aside and ask, “What is the underlying problem here? What are we really arguing about?” Arguments over money rarely have anything to do with finances. Exhaust all your possibilities. What started your disagreement? Look for feelings of anger, resentment or failures with the zeal of a crime scene investigator. Who knows? At the end of the day, you may discover that nothing is amiss and the electric bill really is overdue.
Pitfall Two: Insecurity
- What is the difference between a relationship and a partnership? A relationship implies love and romance. A partnership sounds more like a business deal, with roles and responsibilities carefully defined. You are seeking a healthy love with elements of both. A relationship is made up of You, Me and Us.
Often times, love and emotion get tangled in mixed feelings and painful insecurities. In the workplace, none of that is tolerated. As a partner in love, you must balance yourself with heart and with your mind. Living closely and intimately is a wonderful thing. But it must be managed.
Insecurity can arise when your mate participates in activities and interests without you. However, partners must have their own identity respected and acknowledged. Together, you share mutual interests. Separately, you pursue your own. You and your mate are two independent individuals who have partnered to pursue a common goal. “Happily ever after” needs definition. Ask, “Together, what does a happy life mean to you, me and us?” Create concrete goals. Love will never be far away.
Pitfall Three: Change
In Life, you seek stability, looking for the things that you can trust, count on and believe in. You expect the same from a relationship. As human beings, we naturally seek an order to our ever-changing world. Stability is elusive to embrace. Stability rarely exists. By accepting the reality of our world and the need to embrace change, we create a greater worldview of Life. It allows us to discern the difference between the things we can worry about and those that we should not bother about.
What can you change? And what are the things over which you have no control? The earth that stands so firmly beneath your feet is an illusion. Everything changes. Terra Firma appears stable, but in reality, the earth’s crust is very, very thin. There is little that protects us from the molten lava core of our planet Earth. An earthquake is a terribly frightening and beautifully awe-inspiring event. A quake is a reminder of how fragile our existence is. Nature is always blooming and decaying. Accept Change. It’s happening whether you like it or not. An appreciation of Change will become the life force and strength of your Love.
True Love is never easy. Like all good things in life, your relationship needs attention and maintenance. Check the oil. Wash the car. Keep the air in your tires. Hit the gas and let your love fly.