married-men-350_062112043621Being in love with a married man is one of the hardest things in the world to deal with, especially if he is returning the affection and feelings, but still with his wife. When you fall in love with a married man, it might seem like everything can work out and everything can somehow be great, but truthfully, it isn’t. Just because you are in love and he says he is too, doesn’t mean that it is going to work.

Who Is to Blame Here?

Now lets apply what just happened to relationships. You are lonely. You dread holidays, you fear the future and maybe your biological clock is deafening you. You know what you want from a partner, but you never seem to meet anyone who ticks all the boxes. You want someone now. So along comes Mr. Unavailable. He may be married, have a girlfriend, have several girlfriends, carry emotional baggage or even have a personality disorder or alcohol or drug addiction. But he’s ready to fill that empty place in your life right now.

art.cheating.tfYou know that he isn’t really what you want, but you have been so lonely for so long and you have a deep fear that you will never find someone special. So you take him home and begin a relationship (or at least that’s what you think it is). Everything is fine for the first 3 months. You are both trying to impress the other, you are both excited at having met someone new and you love the honeymoon period. All is wonderful.

Then it gets shaky. He calls less, he backs off, he needs to spend time someplace else and you are wondering why this is happening. You then enter into a cycle of looking for answers. You change your own actions in an attempt to get back the guy you had for the first three months. You wonder when he will change, when he will leave his wife, why he doesn’t stop drinking, why he treats you so badly. When he led you to believe that he was going to be enough for you, he was misleading you, but you chose to believe him.

Who Is to Blame Here?

images (8)The moral of this story is that if you enter into something, anything from purchasing a washing machine to starting a relationship, what you see is usually what you get. You enter into an agreement that accepts the terms as they stand at that time. That washing machine was never going to turn into a washer-dryer. You bought a washing machine and that’s exactly what you have. That married guy came to you with a wife. You accepted those terms – you agreed to those conditions. You started a relationship with a married man (attached, drunk, addicted, jobless) and that’s exactly what you have.

Who is to blame here? The psychic who tells you that he has no intention of leaving his wife? The man who came to you married, told you he was married and can’t understand why it was ok then and now it’s not ok? What we have is often exactly what we agreed to – and we only have ourselves to blame.